Grief or Fib?

Dealing with Loss and Lying in the Classroom

More often that I want to remember I receive student's emails and phone calls communicating the death of a family member, a friend, or a child. My students have reported many accidents, suicides, and cases of spousal abuse over the years. I am terribly unsettled by those sad news every single time, particularly when the emails arrive with links to obituaries, newspaper articles, or even with memorial slide shows confirming the tragedy or loss they have suffered.

For these occasions I keep handy a couple of paragraphs I wrote expressing my deepest sympathy and hope for hearts and souls to heal with time and patience. These notes also includes a plan for the student to complete course work within a certain period of time. Depending on the circumstances, I offer the student an extra week to complete assignments. “Unfortunately,” I tell them, participation cannot be made up, but if this is the only time they will miss it, skipping one week of participation won’t impact their grade significantly, especially if all other work in turned in on time and is well done. These terms are usually well received and students are grateful for the arrangement.

However, a small percentage of students report deaths and illnesses without proof, those are the ones that usually weave complex stories and the excuses tend to arrive long after the due date for the assignment has passed. These are the stories that seem fabricated. Still, there isn’t a good way to check on the veracity of the reports, so I send them my heartfelt sympathy note with all due respect and give them the opportunity to make up the work. I figure; if they are willing to make up stories about dead grandmothers and friends, they deserve a sympathy note from me to see the reflection of their own words.

~Carol